Being single in Ottawa : ep 1
(event review - Secret RSVP)
New(ish) to being single and “re-learning” how to date in this day and age. Follow my journey as I navigate a new city and it’s dating world. All I’ve really known is dating in Vancouver. Which in my opinion, is a FUCKING MESS. However, in my 30s I am more of a hopeful romantic than ever. Taking myself out on solo dates and even going to the dating events here in Ottawa. Which IS a new experience for me, prior to living here I never went to dating events. I always preferred the apps, I had a lot of “success” with them. Between my internet literacy and my ability to read people, I always found dating apps to be the “efficient” way to find a partner.
But hey, we’re in a new city and your girl is vibing. So why not try something different? Then leave it all on the table for y’all to read so that you can make you’re own decisions on these events.
SECRET RSVP - WORTH IT? I think so.
Last month I went to Secret RSVP for Singles 30+ here in Ottawa. I knew I wasn’t going to be filming or taking photos of any kind cause due it’s a dating event. The last thing I wanted to was breach anyone’s privacy or make anyone feel even more uncomfortable than they may already have.
Here’s the full breakdown of the event;
pre-event : You sign up for the event online and a few days before hand you’re able to upload your profile. It’s pretty minimal with a 250 character bio and one picture. It does give you a selection of a few hobbies / things that you like, supposedly this helps you “match” with others.
arrival : You arrive to the event and check-in / register. The host (Ottawa has a lovely and fun one) gives you a raffle ticket, encourages you to go mix, mingle and log onto their “app” (it’s in a web browser) so that you can “match” with other guests.
it begins (round 1) : The host goes through their checklist (telling you about the general run of show, safety precautions, etc). You receive a text message telling you what “table” you’re being directed to / supposed to be at and you’re off. You sit down, everyone makes the introductions before playing the game set on the table.
round 2 : More or less the same. You receive a text message and move to the next table that you’re assigned to. You’re encouraged by the host to continue to “use the app” and match with others you may have met and seen throughout the night.
mini break : There’s a slightly longer break in between round 2 and 3.
round 3 (last one) : Again. More or less the same. You go to your new table, play the assigned game.
it ends : After the final round is over, you’re encouraged to mingle again. Chat with people, offer your number, etc.
post event : You continue to have “access” to the app so that you may chat with “any” guests that was at your specific event (I was specifically at a straight event so I only could message men). You have access to the app for 3-days, which encourages you to exchange numbers if you want to go on a real date or to continue conversations.
What dating events in Ottawa do you want me to check out for you? Do you want me to go solo or with a friend? Let me know with a comment.
THE REAL REVIEW
Like most dating events, it’s pretty much a gamble. That’s life. Literally like a box of chocolates with no instructions on which one is which. You have to dive in, be ready, and what I HIGHLY recommend go in with no expectations but be EXCITED and present when you are there.
They held it at Mulligan’s which I think is a decent venue for this type of thing, but I got charged 2x for ONE drink. As someone who worked in hospitality, I know I basically unknowingly paid for someone else’s drink. Which I don’t really mind cause I also don’t want the service staff to be out that money either. Will I be back there willingly though? No. There’s something that always bothers me about when staff can’t get their billing together. My recommendation is start a tab (even if you only have one drink), this puts less pressure and less messiness of billing when the swarm of people happens. Their staff is either too overwhelmed or aren’t able to handle the rush of people, which shouldn’t be the patrons problems but.. c’est la vie.
The problem is that with some of these dating events is the gender balance and scale can ride WAAYYYY too much on one-side. That was this event. The ratio to women to men was approximately 3:1, this meant that there was tables that had just women or only one guy at times. This is NOT something you want to see at a dating event. As this puts a certain amount of external pressure on the group as a whole. Which then can weirdly shift the energy and balance of the event itself. I would say this is what happened on the evening that I went to. At times, it seemed wildly obvious.
Which also meant at some point, many people got super disinterested, disengaged and started playing on their phones even during the rounds that we are supposed to be actively engaged in conversation / the activity. I can’t say that I blame anyone, I know I have a unique outlook and attitude when it comes to events cause I worked them for 10 years. Even though no one at the event “caught my attention” or “interested me” in a romantic, for me the point of the event is to be present and in the moment. You can’t DO or be those things if you’re on your phone. Which I think was noticeable as I did get a messages from a few men post event. “I loved your energy and candour.” “You were just cool to talk to.” “It was obvious how positive and happy of a person you are.” Were some of the compliments I received*, which did make me feel some kind of way. Especially since I know a bunch of ladies didn’t get any messages at all.
writers note : yes, I did get several men ask me out on actual dates. All of which I politely declined as I really had no interest in them.
Conceptually, I actually really like the event itself. The host was lovely, entertaining (we even had a bit of banter), and she made it VERY clear that safety was top of mind. Which very much came from a genuine place so I did feel very safe. I genuinely liked all the games we played, even though it’s kinda more or less the same concept with a slightly different twist. I think this is where hiring a game master of some kind would really ramp up this event into something even more unique.
Final verdict? I would go again if Holly or one of my other girlfriends wanted to go (I know it can also be intimidating to go by yourself and there is safety in numbers). But with that ratio… I’m hesitant. Objectively speaking, I wonder if all dating events have THAT bad of a ratio of women to men. Was this just a one off (the snow was hitting pretty hard)? Is the ratios better at something like speed dating? What are the other events like?
All great questions that I do intend on answering. I’ve decided that I will continue to go these dating events. I’m not currently on the apps (I deleted Hinge at the beginning of the month) and I’m unsure when I will be back on them. Maybe in April? Maybe I’ll pay for the premium for a hot minute? Who knows….